A Letter From Miss Sas: The Spider Web Dance

Dear Friend,

I took my coffee outside this morning, and before I even made it to the chicken coop, I ended up face-first in another spider web!

Now, I’m curious…

Why do these spiders wait until the middle of the night to build a brand-new web right across the path I use every morning?

I swear they’re watching me.

I’m not sure if these giant spiders are just a Wiregrass thing, or if every part of the country has that one critter that makes everyone wonder why they live there.

Around here, it’s these spiders and the second you walk through one of those webs, you start doing that dance.

You know the one...
One arm’s flailing...
The other one’s swatting...
You’re spinning in circles trying to figure out if the spider is on you or if you’re just imagining it...
Then comes the full-body shiver.
Every. Single. Time.

Now, I know they’re good spiders; I know they eat mosquitoes and flies and all the other little flying freeloaders around here. I appreciate their service. I truly do!

I just wish they’d quit putting their front porch right across the path to mine.

And while we’re fussing about things…

Can somebody explain why the flying roaches think they pay rent around here too?

Don’t tell me they’re palmetto bugs.
I know that’s what they’re called.
They’re still flying roaches, and I don’t trust anything with wings that wasn’t supposed to have ‘em.

Maybe every place has that one thing that makes everybody collectively sigh. If it ain’t spiders, maybe it’s bears.
Or snakes.
Or scorpions.
Or geese with attitude.

So now I need to know…

What’s the critter where you live that makes you say, “Absolutely not”?

I’m hoping somebody has it worse than we do.